It's really too bad I never got a picture of Hosea with his sequined purse. I bought it for him at the dollar store last year--one of those flippy sequined things that you can make pictures on. Anyway, with all his bottle collecting and refund money he needed a place to keep his wealth! So I'd reminded him about his little zip up sequined purse, and he'd been using it for all his change. Often he'd take the change out and count it. Count the number of coins, that is. Over and over and over. Stack them. Count them again. Sort them. He'd carry that purse around too, sometimes. And then, just when I thought to myself I should REALLY capture this memory on film...well...he lost it. Or maybe I did. I'm not sure which. But it's gone, outside somewhere in the neighbourhood, probably picked up by some kid who likes shiny things, or anyone who likes money--for that matter. Hosea never cried about this. Just showed disappointment and acceptance. I felt bad for hi...

Last night I went to karaoke. I don't go as often as I used to, because I'm not a wild and crazy single gal anymore! Do you realize I used to go AT LEAST once a week? Or more? In my hey-day of single-dom I'd be there by 9:00PM and head home at 2:00AM--or after. Sometimes I wouldn't leave until all regular lights were on in the place, the DJ was putting away his stuff, and the spell was completely broken. Many nights I'd end by singing, "Goodnight My Someone", from The Music Man. Sometimes I'd sing Etta James' "Sunday Kind of Love". By that time the place would have cleared out, with only the regulars still left, or the people there to really party it up. I liked that time of the night. There was always something kind of peaceful and beautiful about it. I didn't go to karaoke to meet a Sunday Kind of Love. I just went because I didn't have one! And I went because I wanted to sing about it--and other things, and I went because I...

Did I ever tell you the story of how I thought Hosea was lost? Ok ok actually there are a couple "I thought Hosea was lost" stories now that I think of it. I'll save one for another post! So did I ever tell you ONE of those stories of how I thought Hosea was lost?! Last year, around this time, we were all out at our usual playground, the one I've been going to for the past 10 years. I've gotten pretty relaxed there, I'll get caught up in conversations with people while the kids are running around all over the place, climbing trees, hiding in bushes, wandering. I don't always need to see them. I'm not much of a helicopter parent. But at this time Hosea was only just 4, so I needed to keep him somewhat in my sight much of the time. As I was catching up with a friend I'd run into there I noticed he was over on the side, kind of by the adjacent community centre building, with some buckets, looking like he was going to dig or dump or something like t...

Could this be it? I sit in the back of the taxi, winding the roads, aware of nothing but a numbness Because feeling would be too much Could this be it? Death by complications from a cavity Death by dentist Not very glamourous Could this be it? Is this what it feels like? Going? Panic and peace at the same time? Well I guess I don't know...yet Because I'm still here ............................................................................................................................... "There's a little something on there, we just want to take a better look at it." Is that really what she's saying? Not, "Everything looks fine. Nothing to worry about!" Because, well, that's what I'd expected. "There's a little something on there, we just want to take a better look at it." Don't think about all that too much, Megan. Push it aside. Stick with that second option, even if it's not what she sai...

If we're lucky, we get many of these. Decades of them! This week a special decade passed for me: that of being a parent for a decade, as some of you might already be aware of. What's so significant, really? I mean, time passes. Sometimes 5 years has it's meaning, sometimes 1 year, sometimes 30 days, sometimes nearly 70 years--marriage, parenthood, living in the same place. Maybe they're really just arbitrary. These decades. Time marches on in it's way. But...there's something about the passing of the seasons. That whole "sunrise, sunset" thing (you know the song? apparently my grandma sang it for my mom at her high school graduation or something like that! oh...someday I'll have to write about that, and her...we were, and are, on the same wavelength). What's in a decade though? Think about it. What's in your last decade? Wherever the marker starts? A LOT of things! Hopefully some constancy. Hopefully some change. Hopefully some confli...

It's a whirlwind. "Gweta!" "T-Teeeeee!" "Sim-ey!" "Mama!" Orange rinds everywhere. "Clear your plates please," said with the sigh of repetition. Chairs askew. Everywhere askew. When can I have my thoughts? When can I sit down and get up when I WANT to? Popcorn everywhere. The fullness is overwhelming. It won't stop. Go go go! Make food. Clean it up. Make food. Clean it up. Make food. Clean it up. Make food. Clean it up. Am I making food again? Am I cleaning up again? If I'm making food again, why is no one eating it? If I'm cleaning up again, how has it gotten so messy again? When will they do these things for themselves? Without reminders? Should  they do these things for themselves? Without reminders? Or should I be helping them with these things? Without nagging? Because that's what a mother does? Just like should I say that differently, do that differently, be less pre-occupied, be ...

Let's remember: we're all just trying here. It's the real deal, but we don't really get a dress rehearsal. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well, this won't necessarily be all I have to say about this topic, and I didn't intend to title it as such, but it just came out. I remember Matthew had a book with a similar title, something like Between Two Worlds: Children of Divorce . It had a kind of ominous presence. I teach Early Childhood Education--in case you didn't know--to adults who want to work with young children. I have to teach things like child development, guiding and caring, art, music, health and safety, all that type of thing. There's this one textbook I have to use that has this very specific section all about the "myths" of divorce. I have to make sure and cover it, because it's on the exam. I didn't write the exam, it's a stan...