(Not) Sunday Kind of Love: Online Dating Part 1 (Probably)
Last night I went to karaoke. I don't go as often as I used to, because I'm not a wild and crazy single gal anymore! Do you realize I used to go AT LEAST once a week? Or more? In my hey-day of single-dom I'd be there by 9:00PM and head home at 2:00AM--or after. Sometimes I wouldn't leave until all regular lights were on in the place, the DJ was putting away his stuff, and the spell was completely broken.
Many nights I'd end by singing, "Goodnight My Someone", from The Music Man. Sometimes I'd sing Etta James' "Sunday Kind of Love". By that time the place would have cleared out, with only the regulars still left, or the people there to really party it up. I liked that time of the night. There was always something kind of peaceful and beautiful about it.
I didn't go to karaoke to meet a Sunday Kind of Love. I just went because I didn't have one! And I went because I wanted to sing about it--and other things, and I went because I felt like I had a little family there, and I went for the attention and recognition and excitement. Also I'd kind of feel like I was being transported back in time, to some unknown place. When I was there last night one of my friends mentioned how, at this special spot, it's like an intimate cocktail party with lounge singers to entertain us. And we get to be the lounge singers too!
Anyway, it was always in my mind that maybe I'd find someone there--hello(!), see my song sampling up there? Ohhhhh it's kind of funny, and sad, when I think about it now. I want to go back and hug that person, that me that I was, and tell her everything would be fine.
No I wasn't trying to find someone at karaoke, really. I was trying to find MYSELF, more than anything.
I was usually busy trying to find someone ELSE through online dating!
I still have friends who are in the thick of online dating, and sometimes when they talk about it I cringe.
But I also must admit that sometimes when I see people out and about, and I'm guessing they're looking like they're going out on dates (oooooh maybe going to meet someone for the first time!), well I get a little envious. I mean, that part was kind of fun!
Not as fun as going to karaoke, or as great as actually HAVING a Sunday Kind of Love, but still fun.
I remember the first date I went on, as a 36 year old newly-ish single mother to 3.
First I had done the whole set-your-profile thing up online. On maybe a couple of sites. (Gotta throw a wide net!) If you're never going to do this, then good. But I know some people are kind of curious anyway. I'D be, if I'd never done it!
So...so...so what you do is you post some photos. You answer some questions about yourself. You write things. Here's where you really have to know yourself, I guess. Or know the self you WISH you were. Or the things about yourself that'll look good in writing.
I've heard of people HIRING someone for this part.
Yeah, that's how online dating is.
So once you do that, you wait.
It depends on the site, but sometimes people will start sending you messages--through the site--pretty quickly. And then you'll think, "Wow, I must be hot-sh#*!"
Usually you start out with a lot of messages, or if you take a break from there for awhile and then come back you'll get a lot of messages, all to HOOK you. Because yes, people indeed get addicted to this!!! That's a whole other post.
Back to my point: the first date I went on, as a 36 year old newly-ish single mother to 3.
Who cares about his name. Anyway, anonymity, people!
Who cares about where he worked! Anonymity!
We had a nice little chat online, clearly approved of each others photos and likes and lies (?) and wishful thinking we'd posted (hey, I'm just speaking for him here, not myself ;-) !) Anonymity, though!
No...he wasn't that bad. Just a little mixed up, I realized in hindsight.
Oh the hindsights!!!!!!!!!!!!
After a few days of messaging each other back and forth, little bits of internet small talk, we decided it would be a good idea to meet up. I mean, isn't this the POINT of online dating profiles?! To meet up in real life?
You'd think so.
But many people don't seem to have the same expectation.
That's a whole other post.
Since he worked downtown, just like me, we decided to keep it low-pressure and just meet up mid-day near our workplaces.
I was pretty nervous!
I got together a cute date outfit. Did it match with my profile aesthetic? Did it showcase my personality? Did it highlight my features? Was it tasteful while also a little bit sassy?
...Was I taking this all too seriously? First impressions, people!
In my weary online dating days I wrote people off in about the first 2 minutes of a first impression.
A bit harsh maybe?
In online dating you've gotta be tough.
After work on that designated summer day, in my carefully chosen date outfit, I walked to the corner to meet him. I have a kind of assertive walk, because I usually am on a mission. Not a journey. (Wow that sounds like something I should've written on one of my profiles!) As he approached, he looked a little more journey-like. A whole lot less self confident and charming than in his photos. But whatever! Don't judge a book by it's cover, people! (This was my FIRST online date, remember? I got more harsh and jaded as I went along. So I gave him my open mind for starters.)
We walked. I wasn't really nervous at all anymore, in fact I was confidently chatting it UP! Realizing I was on a real date for the first time in like 15 years! And I still HAD it, I thought!
My first impression hung on, and there weren't ever really any sparks on this walk, but if he'd asked I probably would've given him one more try, newbie that I was. Later, via messaging, he told me that having gone on the date he realized he wasn't really "ready" and didn't want to "burden you with all of my baggage". Well in hindsight (!) what a mature move he made! Usually I'd have to find that out the hard way. And, in hindsight, ohhhhhhhhh the burdens and baggage people carry and toss around!
I'm sorry, it's not a SUPER EXCITING date to write about. Maybe that's what you were hoping for. No fancy bars or restaurants, no private jets, no martinis, no sparks, not even anything revolting or hilarious.
I guess, in hindsight, a nice way to start.
A nice way to start that tumultuous online dating journey!!!
The profile. The profile changes. The selfies. The "I'm trying NOT to make this look like a selfie" selfies. The tweaking of the wording. The agonizing over who the hell cares about the wording! No one reads these things anyway! The messages, the rudeness, the assumptions, the untruths, the lead ons, the pull backs, the repulsiveness, the disappointment, the comedy of it all!!
Online dating is changing the scope of relationships, that's for sure.
And I wouldn't say for the better. Again, a whole other post.
So count your lucky stars if you don't have to do it.
Maybe that's the other reason I always went to karaoke. To escape the relationship purgatory the online dating ridiculousness had put me into!
Relationship purgatory. I got THAT from a conversation with an online dating prospect I never met.
I prefer the Sunday Kind of Love.
Many nights I'd end by singing, "Goodnight My Someone", from The Music Man. Sometimes I'd sing Etta James' "Sunday Kind of Love". By that time the place would have cleared out, with only the regulars still left, or the people there to really party it up. I liked that time of the night. There was always something kind of peaceful and beautiful about it.
I didn't go to karaoke to meet a Sunday Kind of Love. I just went because I didn't have one! And I went because I wanted to sing about it--and other things, and I went because I felt like I had a little family there, and I went for the attention and recognition and excitement. Also I'd kind of feel like I was being transported back in time, to some unknown place. When I was there last night one of my friends mentioned how, at this special spot, it's like an intimate cocktail party with lounge singers to entertain us. And we get to be the lounge singers too!
Anyway, it was always in my mind that maybe I'd find someone there--hello(!), see my song sampling up there? Ohhhhh it's kind of funny, and sad, when I think about it now. I want to go back and hug that person, that me that I was, and tell her everything would be fine.
No I wasn't trying to find someone at karaoke, really. I was trying to find MYSELF, more than anything.
I was usually busy trying to find someone ELSE through online dating!
I still have friends who are in the thick of online dating, and sometimes when they talk about it I cringe.
But I also must admit that sometimes when I see people out and about, and I'm guessing they're looking like they're going out on dates (oooooh maybe going to meet someone for the first time!), well I get a little envious. I mean, that part was kind of fun!
Not as fun as going to karaoke, or as great as actually HAVING a Sunday Kind of Love, but still fun.
I remember the first date I went on, as a 36 year old newly-ish single mother to 3.
First I had done the whole set-your-profile thing up online. On maybe a couple of sites. (Gotta throw a wide net!) If you're never going to do this, then good. But I know some people are kind of curious anyway. I'D be, if I'd never done it!
So...so...so what you do is you post some photos. You answer some questions about yourself. You write things. Here's where you really have to know yourself, I guess. Or know the self you WISH you were. Or the things about yourself that'll look good in writing.
I've heard of people HIRING someone for this part.
Yeah, that's how online dating is.
So once you do that, you wait.
It depends on the site, but sometimes people will start sending you messages--through the site--pretty quickly. And then you'll think, "Wow, I must be hot-sh#*!"
Usually you start out with a lot of messages, or if you take a break from there for awhile and then come back you'll get a lot of messages, all to HOOK you. Because yes, people indeed get addicted to this!!! That's a whole other post.
Back to my point: the first date I went on, as a 36 year old newly-ish single mother to 3.
Who cares about his name. Anyway, anonymity, people!
Who cares about where he worked! Anonymity!
We had a nice little chat online, clearly approved of each others photos and likes and lies (?) and wishful thinking we'd posted (hey, I'm just speaking for him here, not myself ;-) !) Anonymity, though!
No...he wasn't that bad. Just a little mixed up, I realized in hindsight.
Oh the hindsights!!!!!!!!!!!!
After a few days of messaging each other back and forth, little bits of internet small talk, we decided it would be a good idea to meet up. I mean, isn't this the POINT of online dating profiles?! To meet up in real life?
You'd think so.
But many people don't seem to have the same expectation.
That's a whole other post.
Since he worked downtown, just like me, we decided to keep it low-pressure and just meet up mid-day near our workplaces.
I was pretty nervous!
I got together a cute date outfit. Did it match with my profile aesthetic? Did it showcase my personality? Did it highlight my features? Was it tasteful while also a little bit sassy?
...Was I taking this all too seriously? First impressions, people!
In my weary online dating days I wrote people off in about the first 2 minutes of a first impression.
A bit harsh maybe?
In online dating you've gotta be tough.
After work on that designated summer day, in my carefully chosen date outfit, I walked to the corner to meet him. I have a kind of assertive walk, because I usually am on a mission. Not a journey. (Wow that sounds like something I should've written on one of my profiles!) As he approached, he looked a little more journey-like. A whole lot less self confident and charming than in his photos. But whatever! Don't judge a book by it's cover, people! (This was my FIRST online date, remember? I got more harsh and jaded as I went along. So I gave him my open mind for starters.)
We walked. I wasn't really nervous at all anymore, in fact I was confidently chatting it UP! Realizing I was on a real date for the first time in like 15 years! And I still HAD it, I thought!
My first impression hung on, and there weren't ever really any sparks on this walk, but if he'd asked I probably would've given him one more try, newbie that I was. Later, via messaging, he told me that having gone on the date he realized he wasn't really "ready" and didn't want to "burden you with all of my baggage". Well in hindsight (!) what a mature move he made! Usually I'd have to find that out the hard way. And, in hindsight, ohhhhhhhhh the burdens and baggage people carry and toss around!
I'm sorry, it's not a SUPER EXCITING date to write about. Maybe that's what you were hoping for. No fancy bars or restaurants, no private jets, no martinis, no sparks, not even anything revolting or hilarious.
I guess, in hindsight, a nice way to start.
A nice way to start that tumultuous online dating journey!!!
The profile. The profile changes. The selfies. The "I'm trying NOT to make this look like a selfie" selfies. The tweaking of the wording. The agonizing over who the hell cares about the wording! No one reads these things anyway! The messages, the rudeness, the assumptions, the untruths, the lead ons, the pull backs, the repulsiveness, the disappointment, the comedy of it all!!
Online dating is changing the scope of relationships, that's for sure.
And I wouldn't say for the better. Again, a whole other post.
So count your lucky stars if you don't have to do it.
Maybe that's the other reason I always went to karaoke. To escape the relationship purgatory the online dating ridiculousness had put me into!
Relationship purgatory. I got THAT from a conversation with an online dating prospect I never met.
I prefer the Sunday Kind of Love.
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