You know when you get time to yourself -- that you've been craving -- and then, then it just completely flops? As you watch the sands of it all just slip thru, those finicky sands of time. Summer parenting is a difficult thing. Everybody is home, all the time. If you work from home sometimes, well EVERYONE is home. All the time. All.  The. Time.  Teenagers. They stay up late. All the time. If you work a part day, well by the time you're done, they're just rising. Making their bleary eyed appearances. Needing things. (How dare they?!) Getting in your business, your space. (Where did these people come from?!) If the childcare place takes a vacation, then you've got that piece to top it off. (Well why'd you have so many kids, then? Why'd you have kids?!) *Why'd I have kids??* Sometimes I go out on my bike these days, just to really let loose haha. Listen to my music, feel the wind in my face, centre myself again. Hoping when I get home I can hold on to it. Some...

  Outside Outside there are no dishes Only breeze and trees and all Outside there are no tensions Of relationships that call No stale scents of leftover cooking  Only fresh wafting out  Outside there are no dishes I guess  That's why I went out   I didn't know till I came in What I was leaving for Screens too loud too bright Place too cramped door to door Summer stuffy, evening cooped   So, round I went, on my lone But lonely I was not The breeze was cool, the sights were still, the smells so fresh and free As on my lone I remembered the timeless longing I have to be Out On a summer evening, gulping it all in  Since I've been seven...(or, likely, before)   Back then, though, I didn't know: That outside there are no dishes So, <now>, I'll most certainly be going out lots more           

This place we called "The Courtyard", right? I'm not sitting with a big piece of paper, although that'd be cool, wouldn't it? Just protecting anonymity! Guys in the background though, you'll have to deal! You were among The Popular ones, though, so pretty sure you can handle it.    Would you go back to high school if you could? Some people dream about it. Maybe they'd go back with their new knowledge, new confidence, better choices! Me? Once is enough! In fact, I haven't even gone to my reunions so far. Maybe for the 30th?! Anyway, this topic has been on my mind lately, probably because I keep getting new fb friends from high school, or seeing suggestions for them. When I see people on here I haven't seen for a long time, I notice a few things: sometimes my memory of them is really sharp as in I can picture them I can hear them I can think of an anecdote or more I can associate them with others and sort of group them ... all the way to it's rea...

I tried to think of a jazzier name for this post, essential for reeling the reader in, but...I can't. It's its name. It means more than its name, but it really is and was a specific place. It was the place years ago (nearly 19 now!) that caught us when we moved to Canada. A fresh couple in our 20s, making the moves for our life together, our careers, just a stopping off point to the next things--that's what Vancouver was supposed to be. We moved from our well-loved Seattle apartment, our community of artsy friends, a fresh Master's degree on my part, a hip church with all the greatest music--to another city, another country! I felt the pride as we were pushed off by my grandparents (especially)--off to do great things! Cause Matthew was going to the prestigious Regent College, and he was well on his way to a career in The Church, like many in my family. Grandpa Harry was proud.   I don't know what I was thinking, really, not ever all that comfortable in The Church. ...

May 1st will be the 10 year mark of living in this here little blessing of an apartment.   Quiet, tree lined street Balcony Hardwood floors Original 60s kitchen Original 60s washroom--pink tubs and sinks included Shabby chic, as they used to say Just big enough Two washrooms (oh thank heavens!) Long term neighbours, and a welcoming cushion to new ones   I could go on.  I will! Some of you may remember that time I was practically evicted from my last place. One year after Matthew and I separated. I loved that place so much. So much! We had lived in the building for 6 years, between two different apartments. We started at the top, in the beauty. Then, finances got tough, since one of us was in grad school and we had a growing family. So, painfully, we moved downstairs. After that so much changed. Something about that move was a break in many ways, a new marker. I remember going back upstairs during that time, to a party hosted by the new tenants, and just longing with all o...

'Twas a bit ago, but I got engaged. WE got engaged!  "My fiancee", Simon will say to me with a fancy accent. It all happened back in November, right before my birthday. We were headed for our Mexico trip the next day! It COMPLETELY took me by surprise. Still does. Cause, I never wanted to get married again. Never! Hahahahahaha it's kind of like after childbirth when everyone says they'll never do that again and then whoops they do. Ok, maybe not everyone says that, but. If you don't say that well wow.  I never wanted to get married again. Find someone, sure. Share a life with someone, sure. But the M-Word! No way.  The suffocation of it all. I loved looking at my wedding finger EMPTY. I did. That free little finger. Nothing weighing it down. I do, like many--I'm sure--have an independent streak. Even the other night, leaving everyone here to go to my dance class on my bike in the dark rainyness, ohhhhhh the freedom of all that was amazing! Buh Bye EVERYONE...