Did I ever tell you the story of how I thought Hosea was lost? Ok ok actually there are a couple "I thought Hosea was lost" stories now that I think of it. I'll save one for another post! So did I ever tell you ONE of those stories of how I thought Hosea was lost?! Last year, around this time, we were all out at our usual playground, the one I've been going to for the past 10 years. I've gotten pretty relaxed there, I'll get caught up in conversations with people while the kids are running around all over the place, climbing trees, hiding in bushes, wandering. I don't always need to see them. I'm not much of a helicopter parent. But at this time Hosea was only just 4, so I needed to keep him somewhat in my sight much of the time. As I was catching up with a friend I'd run into there I noticed he was over on the side, kind of by the adjacent community centre building, with some buckets, looking like he was going to dig or dump or something like t...

Could this be it? I sit in the back of the taxi, winding the roads, aware of nothing but a numbness Because feeling would be too much Could this be it? Death by complications from a cavity Death by dentist Not very glamourous Could this be it? Is this what it feels like? Going? Panic and peace at the same time? Well I guess I don't know...yet Because I'm still here ............................................................................................................................... "There's a little something on there, we just want to take a better look at it." Is that really what she's saying? Not, "Everything looks fine. Nothing to worry about!" Because, well, that's what I'd expected. "There's a little something on there, we just want to take a better look at it." Don't think about all that too much, Megan. Push it aside. Stick with that second option, even if it's not what she sai...

If we're lucky, we get many of these. Decades of them! This week a special decade passed for me: that of being a parent for a decade, as some of you might already be aware of. What's so significant, really? I mean, time passes. Sometimes 5 years has it's meaning, sometimes 1 year, sometimes 30 days, sometimes nearly 70 years--marriage, parenthood, living in the same place. Maybe they're really just arbitrary. These decades. Time marches on in it's way. But...there's something about the passing of the seasons. That whole "sunrise, sunset" thing (you know the song? apparently my grandma sang it for my mom at her high school graduation or something like that! oh...someday I'll have to write about that, and her...we were, and are, on the same wavelength). What's in a decade though? Think about it. What's in your last decade? Wherever the marker starts? A LOT of things! Hopefully some constancy. Hopefully some change. Hopefully some confli...

It's a whirlwind. "Gweta!" "T-Teeeeee!" "Sim-ey!" "Mama!" Orange rinds everywhere. "Clear your plates please," said with the sigh of repetition. Chairs askew. Everywhere askew. When can I have my thoughts? When can I sit down and get up when I WANT to? Popcorn everywhere. The fullness is overwhelming. It won't stop. Go go go! Make food. Clean it up. Make food. Clean it up. Make food. Clean it up. Make food. Clean it up. Am I making food again? Am I cleaning up again? If I'm making food again, why is no one eating it? If I'm cleaning up again, how has it gotten so messy again? When will they do these things for themselves? Without reminders? Should  they do these things for themselves? Without reminders? Or should I be helping them with these things? Without nagging? Because that's what a mother does? Just like should I say that differently, do that differently, be less pre-occupied, be ...

Let's remember: we're all just trying here. It's the real deal, but we don't really get a dress rehearsal. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well, this won't necessarily be all I have to say about this topic, and I didn't intend to title it as such, but it just came out. I remember Matthew had a book with a similar title, something like Between Two Worlds: Children of Divorce . It had a kind of ominous presence. I teach Early Childhood Education--in case you didn't know--to adults who want to work with young children. I have to teach things like child development, guiding and caring, art, music, health and safety, all that type of thing. There's this one textbook I have to use that has this very specific section all about the "myths" of divorce. I have to make sure and cover it, because it's on the exam. I didn't write the exam, it's a stan...

It's in all caps cause it's a loaded word. Isn't it? You don't want to see it, it's kind of ugly, harsh, terrifying, you want to run from it ...or...maybe you want to run TO it? Because it feels safe. Safer, more predictable, than an unpredictable world. I'm going to be writing about a very loaded and heavy and sensitive subject tonight. I'm taking a risk in doing that, but the ideas for my posts pop in naturally. I don't have to force to find something. Sometimes more than one idea pops at once, but I always know which to go with. And tonight it's ADDICTION. When I was 16 I had my first real boyfriend. I *think* I fell in love, all that, I mean honestly maybe the love part wasn't really there, but to my 16 year old self it was. So I count it. Plus the relationship went on for the better part of a year, and was as serious as you can be when you're just 16. This was nearly 24 years ago, and, of course, it ended in heartbreak. That's ...

How I met Simon, that's what this post is going to be about. ................................................................................................................................................................... The agony of dating is real, people. Maybe you've forgotten, cause it's been since high school or university since you tried it. But do we ever really forget something so agonizing? I spent 2016-2018 in this agony! Ha! Ok, it wasn't allllllllllll agony. But no thanks, I don't ever want to go back there! And to top it off, the whole online dating thing makes it that much more ridiculous. That's for another post. Or never. It's because of an online date that I met Simon, but I did not meet Simon through online dating. Does that make sense? He did say, though, that a year or so before we met he had tried out some dating site--once, and he hated it--but he saw my profile on there, liked it or something, maybe even tried to talk t...