Engaged

'Twas a bit ago, but I got engaged. WE got engaged! 

"My fiancee", Simon will say to me with a fancy accent.

It all happened back in November, right before my birthday. We were headed for our Mexico trip the next day! It COMPLETELY took me by surprise. Still does.

Cause, I never wanted to get married again. Never!

Hahahahahaha it's kind of like after childbirth when everyone says they'll never do that again and then whoops they do. Ok, maybe not everyone says that, but. If you don't say that well wow. 

I never wanted to get married again. Find someone, sure. Share a life with someone, sure. But the M-Word! No way. 

The suffocation of it all. I loved looking at my wedding finger EMPTY. I did.

That free little finger. Nothing weighing it down. I do, like many--I'm sure--have an independent streak. Even the other night, leaving everyone here to go to my dance class on my bike in the dark rainyness, ohhhhhh the freedom of all that was amazing! Buh Bye EVERYONE! 

Why did I even get married so incredibly young, anyway? I look back on that and can't understand what I was thinking. Engaged at 23, barely over a horrible break up. Married by 24. For today's standards that's super young.

Like so much else, I thought there was a predetermined script for my life that I had to follow. You know, grow up, go to school, decide what you want to be, go to more school, get married, have the kids, buy the house, be that thing you decided to be and then just...oh I don't know what the rest of it was supposed to be...just-----keep at it I guess? Live happily ever after?! No one told me I had to do those things--explicitly I guess--but in other ways everyone told me I had to do those things. So, I just did them! 

Sure, I'd fallen in love. Thought it was all the right thing, the right time, the "supposed to" of it. You know, at that age lots of others in my circle were doing it too. So! Just like in high school the peer influence seeped in! Weddings were fun to go to. You know, the clothes. The party of it all. The meaningfulness of it. The hope and life ahead of it all. The romance.

I saw marriages around me fail, or flounder, growing up. I wasn't completely naive. But, live and learn. Some people cautioned me to slow down. But, live and learn. "Live and learn"--easy to say! But, learning is hard. I try and remember that when I watch my own children struggle with life choices, I will continue to try and remember that as they continue to struggle to make life choices! (I will I will!)

Fast forward all that, though, to November 2025. At this point I'd moved from never wanting to marry again, to kind of daring Simon to prove to me that, well, he could make the effort to make it official! Hahahahahahaha this is an evil Scorpio laugh, but 'twas true. You know, I'd say things here and there like well if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it. Kind of joking, kind of not. I hassle him plenty, his "staging areas" ("Why don't you just put it away?!", me -- him "See, you've got to understand something about me, this here is a staging area, in preparation for putting it away" o m g fine except a staging area might be a semi permanent fixture and before I know it there are staging areas all over the place! -- and before I know it I realize maybe I have staging areas too?! (haha what a great concept!)) ..See this, this is what marriage--commitment--is about: putting up with other people's "staging areas", for one thing. And when I was 24 I don't think I knew that.

Going on 46, back in November 2025, I knew that. Hence, hassling Simon. Wanting the symbolism of it all again! Slowly realizing o m g I actually want to be married again?! Kind of jealous of those people who were, not not-so anymore. At one point I even suggested you know hey we could go halfsies on The Ring cause YES I want The Ring to suffocate my finger again, to show that I Am Taken even IF I like to go out my independent self. I didn't want to burden him with the financial aspect of it all, cause The Ring can be pricey. Plus, going to pick it out together could be fun, and ensure I got one I really liked! If it's gonna suffocate my finger and all it might as well be gorgeous.

*Ok ok ok before you think I'm some kind of super controlling lady who was BEGGING for a proposal--I wasn't. Just, compared to my old mindset, where I thought I'd never ever ever want to be married again, well...wow I'd changed course! Here I was giving him the eye like I DARE you to PROVE that you want to be married as much as you TALK about how you want to be married! From like week one he was telling me his City Hall marriage dreams, and folding me into them. Referring to me as his wife here and there ummmmmm exCUSE me I don't see a RING! I just thought we'd kind of happily hassle each other the rest of our lives together--on this particular topic (among many, haha)--fully committed and practically married. You know, having a child together--too--and all that. How he came alongside me to help raise my three I'll be forever amazed by--and I would have been, going forward, even if I never got that ring the little girl in me still sort of somehow actually wanted.* 

So yeah, that day before Mexico when he proposed was a shocker. I was a bit in a stress mode, realizing we had things we needed to get ready still. Simon suggested the Big Kids watch Joey for a bit so we could (?)go on a date(?)--another thing I'd been hassling him about btw--and I was like whyyyyyyy would we go on a date today? We're going to Mexico tomorrow! (Oh the poor man can never win!) Anyway, as absurd as I found it, I acquiesced. Ok fine, let's go! Big Kids on duty for a bit, and we went out on the ebike together. 

We went to a bagel place we'd gone to very early on in our relationship, got some bagel sandwiches. He kept pointing things out on our ride like "there's our power station!" "oh remember when we did such and such there?" --- but, that's kind of his usual sentimental self so I had no clue. After the bagels I was in mom-mode thinking we needed to get home, cause we'd only told the Big Kids a certain amount of time and we were going to be late if we didn't head back. But, he wanted to cycle a long way home, and he reassured me we had enough time. We cycled down farther to the beach, alongside some paths there, turned around and then he decided to cut us through some trails in the woods and I was kinda like ummmm well ok classic Simon! Let's adventure it! Just after I noticed kind of a shady looking guy in the woods Simon says he needs to stop for a second. I'm thinking ok well, here?...probably did an eye roll like what now...he parks the bike by this bench and gets off. Asks me to get off too. Um...ok? Reaches into the inside pocket of his jacket and I think he's about to offer me a fishermen's friend cause he's had a cold and needs one himself...but then all of a sudden he's NOT offering me a fishermen's friend instead he's getting down on one knee saying "I love you very much" and opening a small BOX with "Will you marry me?!" and he has little tears coming down his face (and saying it's from the wind hahahahahaha) and he's wiping them away and I'm just standing there in total and complete shock like probably the most shock I've been in in all my life tbh and I'm just saying, "What?! Oh my gosh what is happening? What? You got me a RING? What IS this?" hahahahahaha he's still down on one knee and he finally says, "Well.....what do you say? Are you gonna say yes?!" (a little worried at this point I think) and I say, "Yes! Yes! Of course!" and we kiss there in the woods by the beach and I hold him tight tight tight from the back of the bike all the way home, flashing my ring everywhere.

 

................................

 

We had the kids take a photo of us on the bike that day, when we got back. That's the one I shared on fb a bit afterwards. They didn't notice anything. We didn't tell them.

Later that night, though, Therese noticed my ring, (yep!), in the kitchen while I was making something. "Hey Mama, is that a new ring?" and her eyes widened in excitement for me! I told her hey let's see how long it takes the others to notice, and she nods like ohhhh yes how much fun is that going to be.

Then the next day at the airport dragging luggage along Greta noticed my ring, saying pretty much the same thing Therese said. And soon we are secretly laughing about how long it will take for Hosea to notice.

Hosea...well I ended up putting my ring right in his face while we were all eating in the airport waiting for our flight, seeing how obvious I'd have to be to get him to notice hahahahahaha! That was fun. 

So that trip I felt a little more that we were all glued together, as I waved my big rock around here there everywhere. 

 

.................................

  

That proposal was so good. And he'd gotten my ring at the antique store down the street. It's perfect. He knew exactly what he was doing. One less thing I get to hassle him about now oh so sad! jk jk jk

Mawwiage. Mawwiage. Yes, fine. Yes, yes yes. 

...........

........... 

A WEDDING though? Not changing my tune on that one, that's for sure! I'd have eloped by now if that could be like in the movies. My proposal was like in the movies, so I'll just hold on to that and let the rest fall how it may.  There isn't actually a predetermined script for my life after all. And that is as freeing as heading to dance class by myself on my bike in the dark and rainy night.