I'd Like a Kombucha Right About Now

Yesterday was a beautiful day for a bike ride to band practice. I always enjoy the route along the seawall, especially in the sunshine.

After practice I waffled back and forth about whether or not to run any errands. I kind of wanted to keep the day free from that kind of thing. But I also knew that if I stopped and got a few things then it'd take the load off me for Monday. Mondays are the only day I don't have to pick the kids up from school, so when I get home from work I can do some singing! Or whatever else. And really relax the way you can do when you don't have any kids around. (It's a real thing!)

But I decided to run the errands anyway. Plus I was getting thirsty, and started thinking about Kombucha (my new favourite!)...and how I'd want to eat ice cream later on. 

Oh, and how we needed toilet paper at home.

So I stopped at the store.

While in the store I did what often happens in the store, and I forgot why I REALLY had come in there. My mind reminded me of the thing I'd read recently--about how to keep your hair dye lasting longer--and so I went looking for a certain kind of conditioner. And then decided I might as well get the shampoo too. And the hair product to help my waves stay wavier. Sooooooo necessary! 

And a few other things.

And then, oh yeah, the toilet paper.

I took my items up to the cashier. I often prefer going to the cashier, not using the self check out. Maybe for a little conversation, maybe cause it's easier, maybe to protest those machines. And in this case the cashier was someone who I was familiar with. So I thought a chit-chat could be nice.

"I came here for only a few things!" I said, laughing, as I piled up all my stuff. 

"That's how it is with shopping, isn't?" she chuckled, shaking her head the way I was. "Where are the kids today?"

"Oh, they're with their dad. It's just me right now! So nice and quiet."

She carried on running my items through, struggled a bit with one that wasn't scanning well (good thing I wasn't having to do it myself, I thought!) and then told me my total. A total that I was kind of shocked by. But oh well. I ran a quick should-I-put-anything-back(?) through my mind and decided hmmmm no, no I shouldn't put anything back. It was fine.

"You know, if you spend five more dollars you'll get a big boost of points and you can take $25 off your next purchase," the cashier then told me.

Here is where I'll tell you: I don't often fall for this kind of thing. But I buy groceries and toiletries at this place a lot, and shop the sales mostly, and when those points add up and I get my discount oh is it SATISFYING!

"Only five more dollars?" I clarified, "And then I'll get $25 off?"

"Yes, off your next purchase."

I told her I'd go find something...

bread...no not enough money...

cereal...no, too bulky right now...

...............

...cheese! 

That was it.

Cheese.

She rang it all up, made sure that the points had indeed been added on for that special next time, finished helping me load my bag, and then I left to go put it in my basket and ride the few minutes home.

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"So yeah, I got this conditioner and it'll help my colour stay in longer--I can tell you are just RIVETED by this story!" I joked with Simon as I re-capped what I'd just been up to. Isn't that what these people are around for anyway? To tell our mundane stories too? (Not a blog?!!!)

"...................blah blah.......blah blah blah.....blah blah........................and she told me if I spent five more dollars I could get $25 off my next purchase. So I got some cheese."

He looked at me with sincere feigned interest, kind of glazed over eyes, the faintest smile, and said, "Did you put the cheese away yet?" 

(He's always the one worried about the Cold Items!)

"Oh, yeah I put it away," I said as I opened the fridge to verify.

Only, there was no cheese.

"What?! Where's the cheese? I was sure I'd put it away." 

I went back to my bag, checked, checked the freezer, checked the cupboards, checked the bathroom(!), checked my bag again.

"You didn't take your backpack today?" Simon asked, trying to be helpful.

"No! I took that red bag! It's not in there! Where IS that CHEESE?"

I muttered that last part a lot. Looking in all the places again.

"Are you SURE you didn't take your backpack today?" he asked me again.

"NO!!! I TOLD you, I took my RED BAG. It's not in there!" 

"I'll go downstairs and check your bike basket," Simon offered.

"Thanks, Love," I said, looking some more, again, glad he wasn't asking me if I was sure I hadn't used my backpack, again(!). Feeling a bit bad for snapping at him. Hoping it had just fallen out of my bag and into my bike basket. Expecting this sweet man of mine who endures my snapping to return with it any minute.

But nope. 

No cheese.

"I'm gonna call them, I must've left it there," I decided.

So I called the store. 

And pressed a variety of buttons to make my way toward speaking with a person, and then circuitously made it back to the main menu again, after laughing at the hold music--"It's some kind of country praise music," I told Simon, still hopefully waiting and finding the humour. 

After all, I was just about to confirm the whereabouts of my cheese.

But no person came around for me. After what seemed like far. too. long.

"What is going on?" I started asking the phone. Feeling that insanity creep in, pressing the same buttons each time and expecting a different result, only to go back to the beginning of the loop again. Like one of my nightmares. (Really.)

And not anywhere closer to my cheese!

"How about hang up and call back?" Simon suggested.

"Ok sure," I put it on speaker, partly so he could help me more easily in case I was doing it wrong, but also partly to prove him wrong. I wanted it to keep being that circuitous loop even for him, so he wouldn't think I was just crazy!

But! Miracle of miracles I was put through to a real live person. (Why that time? That's as mysterious as the cheese...)...

"Oh--hi--" the guy who answered had caught me off guard--"I was in the store about 30 minutes ago and I think I left my cheese there."

"Your keys?"

"No, my CHEESE. I just don't want to come back there right now, but can I come tomorrow with my receipt and get it?"

"Sure, no problem. Yeah, just bring the receipt"....and then...muffled noises and talking in the background...was that My Cashier I heard?..."Oh," the guy came back on the phone, "Sorry about that, the cashier says no one has left anything here all day...and you can't just come back with your receipt and get the cheese...see no one's left anything here all day..."

!!! Pause.

"Well, I can't find my cheese ANYWHERE, and the ONLY REASON I bought it was because the cashier told me I'd get more points if I did. Otherwise I wouldn't have even BOUGHT any cheese," I said, trying not do so with an exclamation point at the end.

"Oh, I'm sorry about that," spoke Canada's customer service representative ;-)

And then the call was over.

You better believe I relayed the story to Simon!

And then! And then I went downstairs and got my bike, and re-traced my footsteps all the way back to the store. Scanning the streets and sidewalks for my cheese! 

I got to the store, having not found it, of course. My cashier was there, busily available to a line of customers. I looked at her and said, "So you haven't seen my cheese?" and with immediate recognition of me, and what I was talking about, she meekly told me, "No, it must've fallen out of your bag," and I said, "Well I don't think so because I would have HEARD it--I wasn't wearing headphones, and it wouldn't have just popped out like that anyway..." and then she said to me--eyes half averted from mine--in a very quiet voice, "Just go get a new cheese. And don't tell anyone..."

I rushed to the back of that store, assertively took my cheese, and boldly walked out like a shoplifter who couldn't care LESS if she got caught. Only...well...I did worry someone would stop me. Or that some kind of video surveillance caught it. I almost imagined myself on the police footage. "Look! There she goes grabbing the cheese. She thinks no one sees..."

Ok.

I got my cheese.

Some might say I should've just let it go.

But see, I wouldn't have BOUGHT THE CHEESE if it weren't for the points! Have I mentioned that? "Just a few dollars away!" she'd told me, "For $25 savings!"

I mean, I was out of cheese.

It wasn't on my initial list, though.

But neither were a lot of the things I ended up getting.

I ran through all the possibilities with Simon:

*Did it fall out of my bike? No. I've already explained that. Don't worry, I won't do so again. Plus, if it had, wouldn't I have seen it as I re-traced my footsteps back and forth? I mean, surely no animal would've picked up that whole packaged block in such a small amount of time. Would a PERSON just take it off the ground for themselves? "Awesome! Free cheese!" 

*Did someone steel it out of my basket? No. I went directly to my bike, put my bag in the basket, and rode off. No one was close to me.

*Did the cashier indeed leave the cheese on the counter? And then maybe the NEXT person stole it? Or something? 

*Did?????? 

???????????

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I slept it off. The cheese incident. It was easy, knowing my cheese was safe and sound in my fridge all night.

Then this morning before work I decided to do a quick tally of my receipts, you know, stay on top of my budget. 

I got to the receipt that should've had the cheese on it. For a moment I thought to myself, "Gee I'll feel kinda weird if the cheese isn't on the receipt." 

But it was. Right at the bottom.

I scanned up the list of items, reminiscing about how I'd spent a bit too much money, it hitting home again while I looked over my finances.

And then I saw it.

Where the Kombucha was there was a "X2"!!!!!!!!!!

I'd been charged for 2 Kombucha bottles.

At nearly a whopping $5 a piece. (You know, that stuff is fulllllllll of health benefits ;)...)

"What?!" 

I only TOOK and DRANK 

ONE KOMBUCHA!

Hey! I don't have the money for TWO!!!!!

;-)

If it hadn't been for that mistake, the cashier probably would've never suggested I get anything else, cause my total wouldn't have been high enough for the bonus points, and I never ever ever would've gotten that damn cheese.

I just hope the security guards don't try to apprehend me next time I'm there, cause I fully intend on redeeming that $25 off my next purchase.