Jealousy
I'm jealous of:
See, the list isn't THAT long.
The list of lacks.
If I really dug deep I could find other things, but I don't think it counts if I have to try and DIG for them.
The other night I had this idea, as I couldn't fall asleep, and I was thinking about this topic of jealousy that's been on my mind...I thought about just listing the things I'm jealous of.
A catchy way to start a post!
But also--a freeing activity!
Because in it I realized the list was finite. And not nearly as long as I thought it'd be.
Yes, as you can see, I'm jealous of people who get to travel on a regular basis.
But I did just travel a bit.
On that trip I was grateful! So very grateful. Because for much of the last few years I haven't been able to travel with that much ease. That much ease in terms of the finance part of the whole thing...(My son is still difficult to travel with! Ha!) I think I told you before, but I used to have to budget for butter. So, a trip was out of the question. I still save every drop of milk someone leaves in their cup. "I can put that in pancakes!" I'll say. Or, "I'll use it in my tea!". Or, I'll just leave it in the fridge and pour more fresh milk into the cup the next time someone wants a glass----that way no one knows there's "old milk" mixed in...MAYBE with someone else's germs! (Ewwwwww! ...Sorry if I've grossed you out. I promise to offer you something different to drink if you ever come over. And I'll pour it right in front of you.) I remember one time going to the grocery store, back in those *I'm-so-poor* days when all two or three kids were quite young, and I went up to the lady at the counter to make my purchase of food for the next few days. I tried my debit card. It wouldn't go through. I tried my credit card. It wouldn't go through. I (probably) tried another credit card. It wouldn't go through either. Embarrassed and apologetic, I stood there, not sure what to do, my kids getting impatient in the stroller, and she told me, "It's ok, you come here all the time. I'll keep the receipt, and you take the groceries. Next time you come in and you have the money you can pay us back."
For so many reasons that experience pops into my mind regularly.
And after I had some space from it, and shared it with others here and there, I learned that I wasn't alone in that kind of *frozen-I have no money-moment* at a checkout counter.
Most peoples' moment didn't end the same way my experience did (and...that wasn't the only time for me, or the only kind of ending!). So I feel even more grateful, and less alone in all that.
(Even so I hope it never happens again!)
On the trip, though, I thought of that experience again. And as I said, I was grateful to be on the trip. Seeing places and doing things and not worrying so much about the money part. Not obsessively budgeting for butter. But...I had some instances where I visited people in their houses. People my age, who live in a HOUSE. Maybe even OWN a HOUSE. And, as you can guess if you look back at my list of lacks, I was insanely jealous. Ohhhhhhhhh and if it was an OLD HOUSE? Jealousy PAIN! You know the feeling? And then I thought, probably to try to console myself, how nice to be in the States where buying a house was actually realistic. Not like it is here. Recently I did some research and discovered that the average down payment for a house in Vancouver is about $240,000!!! So...the nail is in the coffin of that possibility. But that didn't mean I wasn't still jealous.
So...my wheels started spinning. Maybe I could RENT a house? Maybe THAT would help me feel more like a "grown up", more like I was "making it", and maybe it would ease my jealousy?
Mostly I'm the type of person who likes to act. And when I identify a recurring problem that's really bothering me I try to DO something about it. Usually I felt pretty helpless when it came to this topic of living in a house, and I'd just reframe my thinking, push the envious thoughts away, and welcome in the gratitude again. But! By after this trip my wheels were really spinning. Because I was fixated on the lack.
So we all went down the road of looking at houses for rent.
For about a few days.
Nothing worked out, and we chickened out, we realized how good we actually had it, and we waved the idea goodbye for the time being.
And now, surprisingly, I'm not so jealous!
For the other things on that list that I lack, well, some of them I just have to work through. They don't usually keep me awake at night.
Some of them I can DO something about.
Some of them are just silly.
I've also realized there are ways I can make the list of lacks longer, or more throbbing, and those actions are things I can control. Going shopping sometimes gets me thinking jealous thoughts. And I think we all know that looking at social media can be a fast track to feeling jealous. Jealous of everyone else's "perfect" life, career, family, vacation, body, clothes, art, children, popularity...house. Looking at things like magazines or Pinterest-y type stuff is also something I stay away from. Those might give me ideas, help me feel connected in a brief and surface way, but more often than not they leave me feeling a bit empty. What I've been working at doing lately is to think about the times I go shopping, or onto social media. How am I feeling before I do it? How do I feel during? Do I lose sense of time? Do I lose sense of myself? How do I feel AFTER? Am I full of jealousy, or emptiness, or loneliness, or laziness. This is all stuff I'm trying to become more aware of. So I can have more control over it. Do something about it.
I read recently something about how misery comes from similar things no matter where we are in the world. The example given in this context was that some jobs are boring and thankless work no matter where we do them, no matter what part of the world. Kind of like finding out from friends that I wasn't alone in that kind of frozen moment at the check out counter. And how that idea, in and of itself, should help connect us more to each other. It's not a new idea, "misery loves company", but the way it was written about this time seemed an interesting new angle. And I wondered to myself why we're so afraid to put some of our realness out there a bit more. Like I did when I shared my story about the check out counter. Because when we do we usually feel better.
We're all not that different from one another.
You might not have--on your jealousy list of lacks--wanting bigger shoulders and a bigger chest (!), but you have plenty of other things, don't you? I'm not trying to push anyone to feel bad. If your list is short, great for you! And also...don't DIG.
Since we're all not that different from one another, most likely when you think about it, and list your lacks, it won't seem like alllllllllllll that much in the end.
Try, and see.
You might just feel better.
That's better than feeling jealous.
And for the record, I'm still going to keep house on my list.
Because it's always good to have something to work towards!
- people who live in a house
- people who live in a REALLY old house
- women with wider shoulders and bigger chests than me
- anyone who gets to do their art for money on a regular basis
- anyone who has a book published
- anyone who has a popular blog
- anyone who has a popular youtube channel
- couples who got married around the time I did and are still married
- people who get to travel on a regular basis
- people who live close to their family and have fun together often
See, the list isn't THAT long.
The list of lacks.
If I really dug deep I could find other things, but I don't think it counts if I have to try and DIG for them.
The other night I had this idea, as I couldn't fall asleep, and I was thinking about this topic of jealousy that's been on my mind...I thought about just listing the things I'm jealous of.
A catchy way to start a post!
But also--a freeing activity!
Because in it I realized the list was finite. And not nearly as long as I thought it'd be.
Yes, as you can see, I'm jealous of people who get to travel on a regular basis.
But I did just travel a bit.
On that trip I was grateful! So very grateful. Because for much of the last few years I haven't been able to travel with that much ease. That much ease in terms of the finance part of the whole thing...(My son is still difficult to travel with! Ha!) I think I told you before, but I used to have to budget for butter. So, a trip was out of the question. I still save every drop of milk someone leaves in their cup. "I can put that in pancakes!" I'll say. Or, "I'll use it in my tea!". Or, I'll just leave it in the fridge and pour more fresh milk into the cup the next time someone wants a glass----that way no one knows there's "old milk" mixed in...MAYBE with someone else's germs! (Ewwwwww! ...Sorry if I've grossed you out. I promise to offer you something different to drink if you ever come over. And I'll pour it right in front of you.) I remember one time going to the grocery store, back in those *I'm-so-poor* days when all two or three kids were quite young, and I went up to the lady at the counter to make my purchase of food for the next few days. I tried my debit card. It wouldn't go through. I tried my credit card. It wouldn't go through. I (probably) tried another credit card. It wouldn't go through either. Embarrassed and apologetic, I stood there, not sure what to do, my kids getting impatient in the stroller, and she told me, "It's ok, you come here all the time. I'll keep the receipt, and you take the groceries. Next time you come in and you have the money you can pay us back."
For so many reasons that experience pops into my mind regularly.
And after I had some space from it, and shared it with others here and there, I learned that I wasn't alone in that kind of *frozen-I have no money-moment* at a checkout counter.
Most peoples' moment didn't end the same way my experience did (and...that wasn't the only time for me, or the only kind of ending!). So I feel even more grateful, and less alone in all that.
(Even so I hope it never happens again!)
On the trip, though, I thought of that experience again. And as I said, I was grateful to be on the trip. Seeing places and doing things and not worrying so much about the money part. Not obsessively budgeting for butter. But...I had some instances where I visited people in their houses. People my age, who live in a HOUSE. Maybe even OWN a HOUSE. And, as you can guess if you look back at my list of lacks, I was insanely jealous. Ohhhhhhhhh and if it was an OLD HOUSE? Jealousy PAIN! You know the feeling? And then I thought, probably to try to console myself, how nice to be in the States where buying a house was actually realistic. Not like it is here. Recently I did some research and discovered that the average down payment for a house in Vancouver is about $240,000!!! So...the nail is in the coffin of that possibility. But that didn't mean I wasn't still jealous.
So...my wheels started spinning. Maybe I could RENT a house? Maybe THAT would help me feel more like a "grown up", more like I was "making it", and maybe it would ease my jealousy?
Mostly I'm the type of person who likes to act. And when I identify a recurring problem that's really bothering me I try to DO something about it. Usually I felt pretty helpless when it came to this topic of living in a house, and I'd just reframe my thinking, push the envious thoughts away, and welcome in the gratitude again. But! By after this trip my wheels were really spinning. Because I was fixated on the lack.
So we all went down the road of looking at houses for rent.
For about a few days.
Nothing worked out, and we chickened out, we realized how good we actually had it, and we waved the idea goodbye for the time being.
And now, surprisingly, I'm not so jealous!
For the other things on that list that I lack, well, some of them I just have to work through. They don't usually keep me awake at night.
Some of them I can DO something about.
Some of them are just silly.
I've also realized there are ways I can make the list of lacks longer, or more throbbing, and those actions are things I can control. Going shopping sometimes gets me thinking jealous thoughts. And I think we all know that looking at social media can be a fast track to feeling jealous. Jealous of everyone else's "perfect" life, career, family, vacation, body, clothes, art, children, popularity...house. Looking at things like magazines or Pinterest-y type stuff is also something I stay away from. Those might give me ideas, help me feel connected in a brief and surface way, but more often than not they leave me feeling a bit empty. What I've been working at doing lately is to think about the times I go shopping, or onto social media. How am I feeling before I do it? How do I feel during? Do I lose sense of time? Do I lose sense of myself? How do I feel AFTER? Am I full of jealousy, or emptiness, or loneliness, or laziness. This is all stuff I'm trying to become more aware of. So I can have more control over it. Do something about it.
I read recently something about how misery comes from similar things no matter where we are in the world. The example given in this context was that some jobs are boring and thankless work no matter where we do them, no matter what part of the world. Kind of like finding out from friends that I wasn't alone in that kind of frozen moment at the check out counter. And how that idea, in and of itself, should help connect us more to each other. It's not a new idea, "misery loves company", but the way it was written about this time seemed an interesting new angle. And I wondered to myself why we're so afraid to put some of our realness out there a bit more. Like I did when I shared my story about the check out counter. Because when we do we usually feel better.
We're all not that different from one another.
You might not have--on your jealousy list of lacks--wanting bigger shoulders and a bigger chest (!), but you have plenty of other things, don't you? I'm not trying to push anyone to feel bad. If your list is short, great for you! And also...don't DIG.
Since we're all not that different from one another, most likely when you think about it, and list your lacks, it won't seem like alllllllllllll that much in the end.
Try, and see.
You might just feel better.
That's better than feeling jealous.
And for the record, I'm still going to keep house on my list.
Because it's always good to have something to work towards!
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