Five (More) Years and Fifty Posts Later

Tomorrow Hosea turns 10! As I read to him tonight, from the Series of Unfortunate Events, Simon came in the room with the video camera. "It's your last night of single digits, how do you feel?" 

How do I feel? How could I even get back into the book after that with all the tears coming? Hosea knew, not even hearing the snifffles, by the way Simon responded to me. "Is Mama crying?"..."Yeah, you're getting bigger! But you still like to be read to!"

Yes. He stayed in my bed the longest (Joey, do you hear that? Don't get any ideas!), and now he's being read to the longest. The girls sometimes hassle him about this, and I sometimes sigh at the end of a long day that I have to read to him still / again / can't you just read to yourself? But..."He finds your voice comforting," Simon tells me. He knows the drill. 

Also, this won't last forever.  Just like the fits. 

A little or a large piece of each of us, though, does last forever, in a way. Greta has always been the friendly one. Therese, the fast-talking-talkative one. Hosea, the emotional bull-in-a-china-shop omg his ENERGY is a PRESENCE in and of itself somebody get him a ball please! Joey...well we'll see, but he sure seems cerebral with a...temper! (That hair!) 

The girls now (both, almost) teens, keep to themselves more, as teens do. But the other day Simon suggested we have a Family Meeting. The idea was to air our grievances and have a safe space to request things. I thought no one would want to come to this, I swear I felt the eye rolls...but once people realized what it was for, they came, they stayed, they wanted it to last longer. "And another thing!" Voices layered over each other. Now is my chance! We bonded more than we had in months!

This is when I remembered how fast-talking-talkative Therese is! She talked just like her 3 year old self raving about My Little Ponies!

Is this what it is, being a parent? Watching them grow and change, while also holding on to the ways they stay constant? Feeling those swells of pride when they walk across a graduation stage, tell you something amazing you didn't even realize they knew, or make you clap and cheer the loudest ever when they score that point? Like those beautiful first steps, morphed into something else, over and over and over.  

Speaking of scoring that point...being a Sports Mom is quite something. My birthday boy is such an athlete, and I can't bear to miss any of his basketball games! If the score is close, I almost can't watch, though. Too nerve wracking! I pull for that whole team, I nearly cried when Hosea and another kid worked together to score a tie for overtime...for a game that wasn't anything important. How am I gonna do this? This part of parenting?

Stages of parenting, I guess. I guess I'm seeing them now. I'm seeing them more clearly, too, with Joey in tow. Reminding me of the previous stages. The strands of these little people weaving through each of them in their own special way.

Tonight, before I read to Hosea, he'd gone and gotten himself ready for bed as usual. And when he came out of the washroom--nearly as tall as me now--his arms were outstretched, wanting a big hug. 

What's the next milestone birthday? 13? Will he do that then? He doesn't hold my hand and have a bowl cut still, like he said he would as a teenager (oh maybe he's waiting...hahahahaha). But I can't remember the last time my girls outstretched for a hug from me. They're more like me in that way. Hosea knows I'd want one. He has the intuition. This is why he can get under our skin the way he can. "Use it for good!" I've told him! "Read the room!"...and don't sabotage the vibe just because you can!..geesh.

I'll never forget the birthday party he had, turning 6 right before the pandemic. His dad and stepmom were there, and he threw a COLLOSAL fit at the end. Something about wanting water, but not in that water bottle, and no way not from the water fountain...but I'm thirsty I need something to drink how come you're not letting me drink any water??? HOW COME YOUR'E NOT LETTING ME DRINK ANY WATER?!!!!!!!! It went on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and on. A sweaty little sugar high Hosea fit, to the extreme. Matthew and his partner were like:

"We've never seen him do this before."

WHAT?!!!!!!!!!

I'll never forget that. 

I guess...he feels safe with me?! hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

I don't know where I'm taking this. What's the ride here? I'm out of practice. The work emails aren't enough of a writer's workout. Raising these four children and working full time might be a bit much for this old life. Five (More) Years and Fifty Posts Later = older, wiser, wrinkly-er, grey-er, "Mama you 44? 44 almost 45?" 

No one says that kinda thing to me anymore. But reading back to the (first) Five Years Later post here, February 26, 2019, I was reminded of Hosea constantly reminding me, at that time, that I was 39 almost 40. 

From that post:

And tomorrow we will celebrate!!!

Happy 5th (10th, now!) Birthday my yittle son.
Words cannot even express how much I'll yove you forever and ever and ever.
Thank you for changing my life.

True as ever. That's where I was taking this.