Take The Challenge
Which thing is harder: singing or writing? I've been thinking about that lately. Posting here takes something out of me that's much different than when I sing. It's something I'm much more conscious of that I have to dig for, when I write. And the flow of it is harder to get lost in than when I sing.
But when I sing and make a video I have to get into "that mood". It used to come easy, when I first started, but sometimes these days I have to give myself time to find "that mood". I constantly have ideas for things to write about, and songs to sing. But often those ideas come at times when I can't actually DO anything about them! And then sometimes I forget the idea. Or when it comes back to me (or I actually wrote it down) and I have the time for it I've lost the passion. Or I just don't feel it as much as I had originally.
I can't force IT. Or IT won't be that great. IT won't feel authentic.
But sometimes I have to force MYSELF, I guess.
Just a few minutes ago I was laying in bed with Hosea, helping him go to sleep after a long summer day of fun. He doesn't need me to lay with him to go to sleep, but he likes it, and soon he won't want it at all. As the kids are getting older I'm starting to see how fast it goes, how the phases change, and things that used to be so common-place, that used to seem like they'd last forever, well...they didn't. They didn't last forever. They ended. So I lay with him. And he tells me things, or wriggles around, or gives me more kisses, or wakes me from that first little I-think-I'm-going-to-sleep-too feeling with another change in position, or random comment.
And tonight I was really pumping myself up to write! But then that I-think-I'm-going-to-sleep-too feeling came! And I could feel myself falling!
But I'd had an idea today, and I didn't want to let it get stale. If I saved it for tomorrow it wouldn't be the same.
So here I am.
As I mentioned earlier, today was one of those long summer days. The kind that are too quickly slipping away. Next week at this time we'll be exhausted from a day of school and work and routine! We'll be noticing that bittersweet smell of fall starting to creep in! So today I didn't go to work. I won't tomorrow or the next day either. It's some summer last-hurrahs around here. And today's adventure I'd had planned started to feel a little foreboding, because that sweet boy I like laying with as he goes to sleep, well sometimes he's a real challenge--when he faces the challenges of life. And a constant challenge for him in his few short years on earth has been----
----shoes. Yeah,
shoes.
How many times have I been in a battle with him over shoes? Not over "You have to wear shoes" or anything like that, but the kind of irrational, crazy-making battle that's (usually) only possible with a child. "No not those shoes! They're too tight!" "No not these shoes! They're too lose!" "Tighten them Mama! No, that's TOOOOOOO tight!" I can trace these battles back about 3 years. They come (usually) when I least expect them to, these battles. And today, the first day of my "vacation" with my children (is that actually a thing? cause it's easier to go to work) the battle began. It began just as I thought we were ready to get out the door and have our picture-postcard-social media jealousy inducing-perfect outing summer adventure. And I said some things that probably weren't that helpful. And then realized the poor guy actually only has one pair of shoes, and the shoes were broken, in that the velcro was worn out and continuously coming undone.
So I changed my tune, everyone else did as well, and we found him some $5 shoes at Salvation Army on the way out of the neighbourhood.
Challenge conquered!
The thing about those shoes, though, is that: 1) they are like-new and were only $5, 2) the store down the street is selling new shoes for kids that are "on sale" and still at least $60, and 3) here's the best part: as Hosea was trying them on and I was walking on egg shells waiting for him to flip out because "None of these are comf-table!!!!" he found a pair that was comf-table. And as I was then looking at the shoes I noticed some extra text on them, not just the brand, but something else. The text said: "Take the challenge".
I told Hosea, "Hey, see this, these shoes say 'Take the challenge' on them". ("This is a perfect phrase for him! I'm gonna use this all the time!" I thought to myself, thinking it'd save me during our challenges, and hoping he'd see the appeal too.)
Well, they were comf-table too, remember? So he was sold.
With the shoe situation sorted out we were ready to go.
We did our summer outing adventure. We biked all over the place! Stopping at playgrounds, spending lots of time at the sprinkler park and by the water and all that. Staying for dinner, even. Staying long enough for Hosea to decide to wait to eat his after-dinner cookie "Outside, while I look at the water, Mama," so sweetly. Having dinner and cookies on our outing was a kind of insurance--I thought--so that the kids would be well-fueled for the mostly up-hill ride home. The ride I'd been worrying about in the back of my mind all day.
They've done this ride with Simon before, but sometimes he ends up towing a kid, or in some kind of struggle with an exhausted Hosea, so I'd never felt ready to take this challenge. But part of my summer wishes and imaginings included me doing this challenge. So today was the day.
And...the ride home was
FINE, everyone! Lovely, even.
We didn't go too fast, we stopped for water, we stopped to walk a bit.
Hosea's behaviour seemed ominous at times, but I'd tell him, "Remember: Take the challenge!" ...and he'd sometimes then tell me his shoes didn't say that anymore, or that his shoes were "out of batteries", but all in all he kept going. In fact in the end I arrived first up the last hill, he arrived second, Therese third, and Greta--slowly making headway using her highest and easiest gear--came in last. And we all clapped for her as she rounded the corner up the long incline into our eyesight, glare-smirking at us with her whole face.
It was just real life, it wasn't picture-postcard-social media jealousy inducing-perfect. But it was kinda funny, and kinda triumphant at the same time.
We all have challenges these days, that's life.
Getting up those hills and around those corners ok though? Do you need Hosea's shoes too?
I have yet to write about this, but maybe now's the time to mention it: I'm on a "shopping ban".
I wouldn't say I'm any kind of shop-a-holic or anything like that, but I read a book recently that inspired me to try this out. And I do have far too many clothes. And I do find myself buying things I really should wait on, or just not get. And I am starting to learn that there are times when I'm triggered to do this and I'd like to get more control over it all and be more mindful and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
So, a "shopping ban". Meaning, I don't buy myself anything except groceries, toiletries, or if something is broken and I don't have another then I can replace it.
In the book the girl did it for a year.
I'm trying 3-months. Ha!
Sounds easy?
Ha!
Yeah, it did to me too.
But let me tell you: since I started I've even had a dream about buying things. About almost breaking the ban and then being so disappointed in myself and then gaining back control and then waking up and then wondering what it all meant! And in that dream the thing I almost bought was a little purse-thing. And then last week a little purse-thing that I've been using to hold my wallet and lipsticks and mints, that I move from one actual-big-purse-thing to another actual-big-purse-thing--depending on my mood and my outfit, obviously (so complicated! I know!)--well...that little purse-thing broke! (Are you following me?)
Now I'm in turmoil over whether or not it would be breaking my shopping ban if I replaced the thing.
Or,
or could I just fix it? It's only the zipper that's busted.
But...I've had the little purse-thing for about 15 years! So maybe it's time?
But what if that's all just a slippery slope and it opens the floodgates again and I find myself buying things again. Things like the gold shoes I saw today? Gold shoes that I don't NEED?
Gold shoes that I now feel really fine about NOT OWNING.
*(But they were so cute.)
(Soooooooooooo cute.)
(And reasonably priced. And comfortable.)
(And did I mention they were GOLD?)*
But in that moment of temptation, where I hung on to that edge and remembered my ban, I decided to Take The Challenge.
It was hard. But it wasn't all that bad.
Would those gold shoes (soooooooooooo cute) have helped me get to do the stuff with singing and writing that I want to do? That I keep challenging myself all the time to persevere with? Even if I get discouraged? Even if I get UP only to fall DOWN and feel discouraged again? Would they help me actually have substantial posts on the blog my (recently ordered) business cards (ha!) say I have? Yeah we all know the answers to those questions.
No, they wouldn't.
But more than that, if I'd purchased them they'd be a constant symbol to me of NOT Taking The Challenge. In whatever way shape or form the challenge comes.
Sometimes with life's challenges it's automatic to complain and whine and throw a fit--especially with the challenges that just come at you, that you don't necessarily create, like Hosea's shoe problem. When those challenges show up in my face, seemingly out of nowhere, or they re-appear when I think they should be gone, when I think I've taken care to rid myself of them--closed the case, shut them up in a box, shooed them away, put a ban on them--it's easy to throw a fit.
Or, just give in.
But then the lesson is lost and the meaning vanishes.
Sometimes instead, life's challenges are met with such grace and poise and diligence! Aren't they? Like Hosea taking the challenge up those hills on his bike today! He was an inspiration.
I'm going to remember that next time I see gold shoes.
Even if my 3 months has gone by.
And when my business cards arrive in the mail.
And when my alarm clock goes off in the morning.
And when another creative lead drops away.
And when "it can wait" seductively taps me on the shoulder.
And even when Hosea eventually hollers,
"They aren't comf-table!"
about the new shoes he got today.
Because he will.
(And oh...
...gold shoes!)
We're only human.
But when I sing and make a video I have to get into "that mood". It used to come easy, when I first started, but sometimes these days I have to give myself time to find "that mood". I constantly have ideas for things to write about, and songs to sing. But often those ideas come at times when I can't actually DO anything about them! And then sometimes I forget the idea. Or when it comes back to me (or I actually wrote it down) and I have the time for it I've lost the passion. Or I just don't feel it as much as I had originally.
I can't force IT. Or IT won't be that great. IT won't feel authentic.
But sometimes I have to force MYSELF, I guess.
Just a few minutes ago I was laying in bed with Hosea, helping him go to sleep after a long summer day of fun. He doesn't need me to lay with him to go to sleep, but he likes it, and soon he won't want it at all. As the kids are getting older I'm starting to see how fast it goes, how the phases change, and things that used to be so common-place, that used to seem like they'd last forever, well...they didn't. They didn't last forever. They ended. So I lay with him. And he tells me things, or wriggles around, or gives me more kisses, or wakes me from that first little I-think-I'm-going-to-sleep-too feeling with another change in position, or random comment.
And tonight I was really pumping myself up to write! But then that I-think-I'm-going-to-sleep-too feeling came! And I could feel myself falling!
But I'd had an idea today, and I didn't want to let it get stale. If I saved it for tomorrow it wouldn't be the same.
So here I am.
As I mentioned earlier, today was one of those long summer days. The kind that are too quickly slipping away. Next week at this time we'll be exhausted from a day of school and work and routine! We'll be noticing that bittersweet smell of fall starting to creep in! So today I didn't go to work. I won't tomorrow or the next day either. It's some summer last-hurrahs around here. And today's adventure I'd had planned started to feel a little foreboding, because that sweet boy I like laying with as he goes to sleep, well sometimes he's a real challenge--when he faces the challenges of life. And a constant challenge for him in his few short years on earth has been----
----shoes. Yeah,
shoes.
How many times have I been in a battle with him over shoes? Not over "You have to wear shoes" or anything like that, but the kind of irrational, crazy-making battle that's (usually) only possible with a child. "No not those shoes! They're too tight!" "No not these shoes! They're too lose!" "Tighten them Mama! No, that's TOOOOOOO tight!" I can trace these battles back about 3 years. They come (usually) when I least expect them to, these battles. And today, the first day of my "vacation" with my children (is that actually a thing? cause it's easier to go to work) the battle began. It began just as I thought we were ready to get out the door and have our picture-postcard-social media jealousy inducing-perfect outing summer adventure. And I said some things that probably weren't that helpful. And then realized the poor guy actually only has one pair of shoes, and the shoes were broken, in that the velcro was worn out and continuously coming undone.
So I changed my tune, everyone else did as well, and we found him some $5 shoes at Salvation Army on the way out of the neighbourhood.
Challenge conquered!
The thing about those shoes, though, is that: 1) they are like-new and were only $5, 2) the store down the street is selling new shoes for kids that are "on sale" and still at least $60, and 3) here's the best part: as Hosea was trying them on and I was walking on egg shells waiting for him to flip out because "None of these are comf-table!!!!" he found a pair that was comf-table. And as I was then looking at the shoes I noticed some extra text on them, not just the brand, but something else. The text said: "Take the challenge".
I told Hosea, "Hey, see this, these shoes say 'Take the challenge' on them". ("This is a perfect phrase for him! I'm gonna use this all the time!" I thought to myself, thinking it'd save me during our challenges, and hoping he'd see the appeal too.)
Well, they were comf-table too, remember? So he was sold.
With the shoe situation sorted out we were ready to go.
We did our summer outing adventure. We biked all over the place! Stopping at playgrounds, spending lots of time at the sprinkler park and by the water and all that. Staying for dinner, even. Staying long enough for Hosea to decide to wait to eat his after-dinner cookie "Outside, while I look at the water, Mama," so sweetly. Having dinner and cookies on our outing was a kind of insurance--I thought--so that the kids would be well-fueled for the mostly up-hill ride home. The ride I'd been worrying about in the back of my mind all day.
They've done this ride with Simon before, but sometimes he ends up towing a kid, or in some kind of struggle with an exhausted Hosea, so I'd never felt ready to take this challenge. But part of my summer wishes and imaginings included me doing this challenge. So today was the day.
And...the ride home was
FINE, everyone! Lovely, even.
We didn't go too fast, we stopped for water, we stopped to walk a bit.
Hosea's behaviour seemed ominous at times, but I'd tell him, "Remember: Take the challenge!" ...and he'd sometimes then tell me his shoes didn't say that anymore, or that his shoes were "out of batteries", but all in all he kept going. In fact in the end I arrived first up the last hill, he arrived second, Therese third, and Greta--slowly making headway using her highest and easiest gear--came in last. And we all clapped for her as she rounded the corner up the long incline into our eyesight, glare-smirking at us with her whole face.
It was just real life, it wasn't picture-postcard-social media jealousy inducing-perfect. But it was kinda funny, and kinda triumphant at the same time.
We all have challenges these days, that's life.
Getting up those hills and around those corners ok though? Do you need Hosea's shoes too?
I have yet to write about this, but maybe now's the time to mention it: I'm on a "shopping ban".
I wouldn't say I'm any kind of shop-a-holic or anything like that, but I read a book recently that inspired me to try this out. And I do have far too many clothes. And I do find myself buying things I really should wait on, or just not get. And I am starting to learn that there are times when I'm triggered to do this and I'd like to get more control over it all and be more mindful and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.
So, a "shopping ban". Meaning, I don't buy myself anything except groceries, toiletries, or if something is broken and I don't have another then I can replace it.
In the book the girl did it for a year.
I'm trying 3-months. Ha!
Sounds easy?
Ha!
Yeah, it did to me too.
But let me tell you: since I started I've even had a dream about buying things. About almost breaking the ban and then being so disappointed in myself and then gaining back control and then waking up and then wondering what it all meant! And in that dream the thing I almost bought was a little purse-thing. And then last week a little purse-thing that I've been using to hold my wallet and lipsticks and mints, that I move from one actual-big-purse-thing to another actual-big-purse-thing--depending on my mood and my outfit, obviously (so complicated! I know!)--well...that little purse-thing broke! (Are you following me?)
Now I'm in turmoil over whether or not it would be breaking my shopping ban if I replaced the thing.
Or,
or could I just fix it? It's only the zipper that's busted.
But...I've had the little purse-thing for about 15 years! So maybe it's time?
But what if that's all just a slippery slope and it opens the floodgates again and I find myself buying things again. Things like the gold shoes I saw today? Gold shoes that I don't NEED?
Gold shoes that I now feel really fine about NOT OWNING.
*(But they were so cute.)
(Soooooooooooo cute.)
(And reasonably priced. And comfortable.)
(And did I mention they were GOLD?)*
But in that moment of temptation, where I hung on to that edge and remembered my ban, I decided to Take The Challenge.
It was hard. But it wasn't all that bad.
Would those gold shoes (soooooooooooo cute) have helped me get to do the stuff with singing and writing that I want to do? That I keep challenging myself all the time to persevere with? Even if I get discouraged? Even if I get UP only to fall DOWN and feel discouraged again? Would they help me actually have substantial posts on the blog my (recently ordered) business cards (ha!) say I have? Yeah we all know the answers to those questions.
No, they wouldn't.
But more than that, if I'd purchased them they'd be a constant symbol to me of NOT Taking The Challenge. In whatever way shape or form the challenge comes.
Sometimes with life's challenges it's automatic to complain and whine and throw a fit--especially with the challenges that just come at you, that you don't necessarily create, like Hosea's shoe problem. When those challenges show up in my face, seemingly out of nowhere, or they re-appear when I think they should be gone, when I think I've taken care to rid myself of them--closed the case, shut them up in a box, shooed them away, put a ban on them--it's easy to throw a fit.
Or, just give in.
But then the lesson is lost and the meaning vanishes.
Sometimes instead, life's challenges are met with such grace and poise and diligence! Aren't they? Like Hosea taking the challenge up those hills on his bike today! He was an inspiration.
I'm going to remember that next time I see gold shoes.
Even if my 3 months has gone by.
And when my business cards arrive in the mail.
And when my alarm clock goes off in the morning.
And when another creative lead drops away.
And when "it can wait" seductively taps me on the shoulder.
And even when Hosea eventually hollers,
"They aren't comf-table!"
about the new shoes he got today.
Because he will.
(And oh...
...gold shoes!)
We're only human.
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