Choices

I remember when I moved to Canada, and I noticed the obvious difference in the grocery stores: less choice! Now I've been here for a long while, and I don't notice it so much anymore. Except for when I go back to the States.

I've been really struggling with writing lately. I can't find the motivation. But I don't like letting myself down. I guess it's good not to want to live like that, letting yourself down, but there are worse things aren't there?

Sometimes we have choices between things that aren't really offering us a choice, don't we? Like, at the grocery store, in the cereal aisle, when every cereal is filled with the same garbage. I usually think of the cereal aisle when I think of choice. I don't know why. The visual, the boxes, the picking them up and examining them, the comparing prices, the disappointment when I realize they really are all the same. The picking between the lesser of two evils. Being stuck between a rock and a hard place. The illusion of choice.

I guess those aren't all the same thing, but they kind of are. This isn't a philosophy class, so we don't really need to try and get to the bottom of it, but if you want to choose to use your time that way and try to figure it out, well go right ahead! Which one might you look at? "The lesser of two evils"? "A rock and a hard place"? "The illusion of choice"? And from which angle? For how long? How will you find out? How long will you spend trying to?

Each day is filled with choices. Some tiny and seemingly weightless, some so heavy they feel like they will crush us. And some of these choices have to be made from a seeming plethora of endless options! When we're stuck, we like all those options. When I visit the States and peruse the grocery stores I remember that idea of choice, maybe rooted in "freedom"/capitalism. But isn't it true that too many choices crush us too? Paralyze us? When we feel like we don't have any at all, though, it just feels completely unfair. 

Those big life choices like: what should I study-should I get married-should I get divorced-should I have kids-should I switch jobs-should I should I should I...there are so many possible consequences to them that we can't foresee. But would we WANT to foresee them? Recently Greta asked me if I were a superhero would I want to have the power to see into the future, or would I want the power to do things like breathe underwater, fix stuff, that kind of thing. At first I said I'd want the power to see into the future. No question! Well, she'd clearly done a lot more critical thinking than I had, and she tried to talk up the other powers. That's when I realized how much trouble it'd be to see into the future. And for another thing, would there really be any choice left?

You know those people who are so rich they can buy shoes that cost as much or more than my monthly rent? Do they have infinite choice? Some people think they do. Some people think that wouldn't life just be grand if that's how things were? Well I don't think so. (More money more problems!) That sounds pretty complicated to me. And dangerously in bed with a shallow existence. It's not about money, "money is evil", all that. It's about choices. Too many choices. We need boundaries around our choices.

Anyone who's spent much time with children knows that.

And let's remember, everyone--we all started as children.

We are not too different, children and ourselves--reading these grown-up thinking-out-loud-words.

It wasn't all that long ago that I had to budget for butter. Some grocery trips I'd put that on my list as an "in case I still had money left" kind of purchase. I wouldn't want to live with that little in the way of choice again. But it wasn't all terrible. The limits were comforting, in a weird way.

Now, though, I can have an unopened butter in my fridge along with an opened one. 

But that's not really necessary, is it?

I know people who constantly lament the discrepancies of wealth, especially around where I live. These families can do this and that and the other thing, these kids can do this and that and the other thing. Why is life so unfair? All that. I get it.

But if we choose to focus on all that, all that time, we're not able to notice the choices we ourselves have. Maybe they're not the same as those families or those kids, but they're there. The choice to look around, have a walk, listen to the birds, not care about butter. I mean, I guess that depends on how you cook.

Choosing to live in envy of other people's choices, choosing to live in a state of pause without making some choice that needs to be made, that's our choice. But we might end up stuck without the butter for a long time that way. 

............................................

A rock and a hard place

The lesser of two evils

The illusion of choice

In the aisles

In the days, minutes, hours

They're ticking

And soon

There won't be time left

To choose that hard lesser rock 

Or that other thing

Because the illusion will have been lifted

The choices laid bare

And what should've or could've or would've won't matter 

The choices suddenly all light as the clouds

Not heavy, not weighted

Like air, less "unfair"

But for now gotta work with the system

The illusion is there, so grab it!

In the aisles 

Of life!

..............................................

I know I know I know. Maybe it sounds depressing. It's not coming from that kind of place though. 

It also sounds freeing, I think.

But that all depends on how you choose to look at it.